Crocodile farm
A group of
tourists was visiting a crocodile farm and they were in a floating structure in
the middle of a crocodile lake.
The owner of the farm shouted:
"Whoever jumps into the water and swims to shore, will receive 10 million dollars.
The silence was
deafening.
Suddenly, a man jumped into the water. He was chased by crocodiles, but
with great luck he was unharmed.
The owner announced: "We have a winner"
After receiving their reward, the man and his wife returned to the hotel room.
The man tells his wife:
"I did not
jump in myself ... Someone pushed me."
His wife smiled and said coldly: "It was me"
Moral of the story:
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Three things to remember in life:
1. First one: People are not so bad as seen on 'PAN-Card' and 'Aadhar
Card'. ...
and are not as good-looking as
seen in 'Facebook' and 'WhatsApp'.
2. Second one: Men are not as bad as their wives think. ...
and not as good as their Mothers
think.
3. Third one: Male criteria for a life partner: They expect their women
to Look like "Miss Universe"
and Work like" Kanta
bai"
Female criteria for a life
partner: They expect their man to earn like Ambani & behave like
Manmohan Singh.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Man who wants pretty nurse must
be patient.
Passionate kiss like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets
exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.
Man who fights with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Wise man does not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Yesterday, I consulted my Doctor at his clinic. After learning I just retired recently, the Doctor gave me the following advice:
1. You must walk more often.
2. Avoid soft drinks, beer, or liquor.
3. Drink more plain water.
4. Avoid driving. Take public transport.
5. Avoid dining out, eat at home.
6. Take less meat and seafood; 3at more vegetables.
I asked: “Doctor, may I know what is wrong with me?”
He replied: “You have no salary.”
>>>10>>>>>>>>>07>>>>>>>>>>>>2023<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
A Polish man
moved to the United states and married an American girl. Although his English
was far from perfect, they got along very well …..until one day he rushed into
a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The
lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked
him the following questions: Lawyer: “have you any grounds?”
Man: “Yes, an
acre and a half and a nice little home.”
Lawyer: “No, I
mean what is the foundation of this case?”
Man: “It’s made
of concrete.”
Lawyer: “I don’t
think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?”
Man: “No, we
have a carport.”
Lawyer:” I mean,
what are your relations like?”
Man: „All my
relations are still in Poland.”
Lawyer: “Is
there any infidelity in your marriage?”
Man:” We have a
high-fidelity stereo and a good DVD player.”
Lawyer: „Does
your wife beat you up?”
Man:” No, I
always wake up before her.”
Lawyer: “Sir, exactly why do you want this
divorce?”
Man: „She’s
going to kill me.”
Lawyer:” What
makes you think that?”
Man: “ I have
proof.”
Lawyer: „what
kind of proof?”
Man: „She is
going to poison me. She bought a bottle and put on the shelf in the bathroom. I
Can read it and it says…. polish remover.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ PUNCTUALITY
A gujarati Company owner was asked a question: "How do you motivate your employees to be so much punctual?"
He smiled and replied: "It's simple; I have 30employees and 29 Free Parking spaces and One is PAID parking!
--------------------------------------------------------
Once a Bright and Intelligent young man went for an IAS (Indian Civil Service) interview.
Custody Battle
He was asked -
Q 1. When did
India get Independence?
He answered - The
efforts started long back; but could succeed in 1947.
Q 2. Who were the
persons, who played important role in this fight for Independence?
Answer - There are
many people, who were involved and contributed in this. If I give a name, it
will be injustice to others.
Q 3. Do you think,
Corruption is the greatest enemy of the country?
Answer - A
committee is investigating in this matter. I can give a correct reply to this
only after seeing the report.
The Interview
Board was impressed by his original ideas. They asked him to wait outside; but
also advised him not to reveal the questions, as they may ask the same
questions to other candidates also.
When the young man
went out of the room, Sardar inquired about the questions asked. The young man
said that he had promised the interview board not to disclose the questions.
But, Sardar found
a way out. "Tell me the answer you gave."
The young man,
thought it to be okay, as he was not going back on his words of "not
disclosing the QUESTIONS". So he gave him the three answer which Sardar
quickly learnt by heart.
When Sardar went
in for interview, this is what happened.
Q 1. When were you
born?
Sardar:- The
efforts started long back, but could succeed in 1947.
Interviewers got
confused...they asked next question.
Q 2. What is your
father's name?
Sardar :- There
are many people, who were involved and contributed in this. If I give a name,
it will be injustice to others.
The board members
were shocked at the reply..they said.
Q 3. Are
you mad?
Sardar :- A
committee is investigating in this matter. I can give a correct reply to this
only after seeing the report.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Custody Battle
A man and his wife
were attending a divorce case in a court. The problem was who should get
custody of the child.
The wife jumped up and said: "Your Honour. I brought the child into the world with pain in labour, Child should be in my custody."
The judge turns to the husband and says: "What do you have to say in your defence?"
The man sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose.
"Your Honour. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, whose Pepsi is it? The machine’s or mine?"
The wife jumped up and said: "Your Honour. I brought the child into the world with pain in labour, Child should be in my custody."
The judge turns to the husband and says: "What do you have to say in your defence?"
The man sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose.
"Your Honour. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, whose Pepsi is it? The machine’s or mine?"
Hunting Flies
A woman walked
into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you
doing?" she asked.
"Hunting
Flies," he responded.
"Oh! Killed
any?" she asked.
"Yes, 3
males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she
asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
See SADA MAN'S Jokes below
Sada man went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form he went to Delhi for filling it up.
You know why?
Form said: 'Fill Up In Capital.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sada man standing below a tube light with open mouth.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him: 'Today's dinner should be light !'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On romantic date Sada man gf asks him:
'Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?'
He said: 'Sure ! Is it to the mobile or land phone ?'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sada man found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
what ever u order first will come first.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher told all students to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except Sada man
He wrote:'Due To Rain, No Match!'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What does Sada man do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sada man& wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sada man: Drink quickly before it gets cold.
Wife: Why?
Sada man:
Hot coffee Rs.5 and cold coffee Rs.10.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What happens when Sada man wife delivers twins????
He does not sleep whole night, thinking who is the father of second child...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Manager asked Sada man at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sada man replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After returning back from a foreign trip, Sada man asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sada man: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
Sada man writes, "Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Interviewer: just imagine you are on the3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Sada man: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sada man: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sada man: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sada man: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cutness
A 4-year-old kid kept telling his teacher
about his baby sister who was going to be born, because he was very excited
about it.
One day his mom made his feel the baby’s
movements by placing his palm, on her stomach. The kid didn’t say anything.
At a Church in Adelaide, they have weekly husbands'
marriage seminars. At the session last week the priest asked Marco,
who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a
few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay
married to the same woman all these years.
Marco replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I'va tried to treat
her nicea, spenda da money on her but, besta of all is, I took her to
Italy for the 25th anniversary"
The priest responded, "Marco, you are an amazing inspiration to all
the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife
for your 50th anniversary"
Marco proudly replied,
"I gonna go pick
her up".
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Irishman is
stumbling through the woods, totally drunk,
when he comes
upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
He proceeds
into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.
The preacher
turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol,
asks the drunk:
"Are you
ready to find Jesus" The drunk shouts,
"Yes, I am."
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
"Yes, I am."
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls
him back and asks,
"Brother, have
you found Jesus"
The drunk
replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus"
The preacher, shocked
at the answer,
dunks him again
but for a little
longer. He again pulls him out of the
water and asks,
water and asks,
"Have you found
Jesus, brother" The drunk answers,
"No, I haven't found Jesus"
By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the
"No, I haven't found Jesus"
By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the
drunk again --
but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds
and when he
begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk,
The preacher again asks the drunk,
"For the love of
God, have you found Jesus"
The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water,
catches his breath, and says to the preacher:
The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water,
catches his breath, and says to the preacher:
"Are you sure this is where he fell in”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A father was
approached by his small son who told him proudly,
I know what the
Bible means.
What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means.
Yes Daddy...
What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means.
Yes Daddy...
It stands for
'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her
brother in
another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
"Is there anything breakable in here" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyers should never ask women a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a
small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
Witness, an elderly woman in the stand.
He approached her and asked;
Witness, an elderly woman in the stand.
He approached her and asked;
"Mrs. Jones,
do you know me"
She responded,
She responded,
"Why, yes, I
do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known You since you were a young boy,
and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me.. You lie, cheat on your
wife, manipulate People and talk about them behind their backs. You
think you're a Big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will
amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know
you.."
The lawyer was
stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and
asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence Attorney (the
opponent's lawyer)"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do, I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state.
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do, I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state.
Not to mention he
cheated on his wife with three different women.
One of them was your wife. ..Yes I know Him."
The defence attorney almost died.
The defence attorney almost died.
The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet Voice said: "If either of you bastards ask her if she knows me, I'll send you to jail for contempt of court.
XXX--------XXX---------XXX----- XXX--------XXX---------XXX-----
Gandhi in London
When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of
London, there was a professor, whose last name was Peters, who felt animosity
for Gandhi, and because Gandhi never lowered his head towards him, their
"arguments" were very common.
One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor, in his arroga...nce, said, "Mr Gandhi: you do not understand... a pig and a bird do not sit together to eat ", to which Gandhi replies, "You do not worry professor, I'll fly away ", and he went and sat at another table.
Mr. Peters, green of rage, decides to take revenge on the next test, but Gandhi responds brilliantly to all questions. Then, Mr. Peters asked him the following question, "Mr Gandhi, if you are walking down the street and find a package, and within it there is a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money; which one will you take?"
Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, "the one with the money, of course".
Mr. Peters, smiling, said, "I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom,
don't you think?"
"Each one takes what one doesn't have", responded Gandhi indifferently.
Mr. Peters, already hysteric, writes on the exam sheet the word "idiot" and gives it to Gandhi. Gandhi takes the exam sheet and sits down. A few minutes later, Gandhi goes to the professor and says, "Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade."
XXX--------XXX---------XXX-----
XXX--------XXX---------XXX----- XXX--------XXX---------One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor, in his arroga...nce, said, "Mr Gandhi: you do not understand... a pig and a bird do not sit together to eat ", to which Gandhi replies, "You do not worry professor, I'll fly away ", and he went and sat at another table.
Mr. Peters, green of rage, decides to take revenge on the next test, but Gandhi responds brilliantly to all questions. Then, Mr. Peters asked him the following question, "Mr Gandhi, if you are walking down the street and find a package, and within it there is a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money; which one will you take?"
Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, "the one with the money, of course".
Mr. Peters, smiling, said, "I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom,
don't you think?"
"Each one takes what one doesn't have", responded Gandhi indifferently.
Mr. Peters, already hysteric, writes on the exam sheet the word "idiot" and gives it to Gandhi. Gandhi takes the exam sheet and sits down. A few minutes later, Gandhi goes to the professor and says, "Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade."
Sharing
The
old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half,
placing one half in front of his wife .He then carefully counted out the French fries,
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half,
placing one half in front of his wife .He then carefully counted out the French fries,
dividing
them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them .
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them .
As
he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking
over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy
Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy
another
meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine -
they
were used to sharing everything
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.
She
sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the
drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin,
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin,
the
young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single
bite of food and asked
'What
is it you are waiting for'
She answered --
(See below)
THE TEETH.
She answered --
(See below)
THE TEETH.
XXX--------XXX---------XXX----- XXX--------XXX---------XXX----- XXX--------XXX---------XXX---
Poor Man
A man and his wife were
having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
And then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides,
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
And then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides,
it is in the Bible that
the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the
New Testament and showed
him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says .
'HEBREWS'
XXX--------XXX---------XXX----- XXX--------XXX---------XXX----- XXX--------XXX---------XXX-----
A Little Christian Humor
Jesus and Satan were having an
on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been goingat
it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said,
‘THAT’S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for
two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.’
So Satan and Jesus sat down at
the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded..
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards..
They created charts and
graphs..
They did some genealogy reports
They did every job known to
man.
Jesus worked with heavenly
efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their
time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain
poured, and, of course, the power went off..
Satan stared at his blank
screen an screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed..
Finally the electricity came
back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching
frantically, screaming:
‘It’s gone! It’s all GONE! I
lost everything when the power went out!’
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started
printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became
irate. ‘Wait!’ he screamed. ‘That’s not fair! He cheated! How come he has all
his work and I don’t have any?’ God just shrugged and said, JESUS SAVES....
XXX--------XXX---------XXX----- XXX--------XXX---------XXX----- XXX--------XXX---------XXX-----
*
A girl was crying bitterly.
Mom: What happened dear
Daughter: Mom do I look like a wicked witch
Mom: No
Daughter: Are my eyes big as toad
Mom: No
Daughter: Is my nose flat
Mom: No baby
Daughter: Am I fat like a bulldog
Mom: You have a fine physique, you are a Barbie doll
Daughter: Then why people tell me that I look like my Mom
XXX--------XXX---------XXX----- XXX--------XXX---------XXX----- XXX--------XXX---------
God
& Marwari...!! !
A Marwari having
no children, no money, no home, a blind mother, prays
Marwari : I want my mother to see my wife
putting Diamond bangles
XXX--------XXX---------XXX----- XXX--------XXX---------XXX----- XXX
to God.......
God happy with his
prays, grants him only ONE wish!
on my Child's
hands in our new home!
God : Damn !!! I still have a lot to learn
from these Marwari's !
Wrong e-mail address
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they
spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was
difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis
and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he
decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one
letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home
from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory
following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting
messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she
screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on
the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I have arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here
now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived
and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as
uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!!!!!
XXX--------XXX---------XXX----- XXX--------XXX---------XXX----- XXX--------XXX---------
*Sada man's Jokes
Sada man to his friends : For the past one week a girl is disturbing me.
I don’t know how she got my number, She interrupts whenever I call someone and says,
“Please recharge your balance soon.”
One fine day, a girl proposed to a Sada man for marriage and Sada man denied simply saying that, “in our family, we marry only our
relatives.”
My mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi , my uncle married my aunt and so on.
So please excuse me!!!
Sada man enters kitchen, opens sugar box,looks inside & closed it. His wife asked him why do you do so?
Sada man :doctor advised me to test sugar.
Sada man ji to Peon : I asked you to buy 2 sheets of white paper, you bought only one? Peon: No problem sir, we can take a photocopy of this sheet.
2 Sada men In ATM
Sada 1:Ha..Ha..,I Saw Ur Password.
Sada 2:What Is It?
Sada 1:It Is 4 Stars(****)
Sada 2:Ha..Ha..U R Wrong,It Is 4017
Judge: why are u arrested?
Sada man : for shopping early?
Judge: well, that's not a crime, anyway how early were you shopping?
Sada man : before opening the shop
Waiter gives bill to Sada man
Sada man : Take my card
Waiter : But sir, this is Ration Card.
A Sada man & his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge asked : How will you divide, you have 3 children?
Sada man replied : Ok! We’ll apply next year.
One day evening a Sada manji starts from office to home with pushing his scooter manually. He met his friend on the way…
Friend : Why are you pushing your scooter manually?
Sada man ji : I forgot to bring the scooter key from my home.
Friend : Is it! then, how did you come to office from home in the morning?
Sada manji : I was pushing my scooter from home to office also in the morning.
Sada man in Mysoor palace. Tourist guide: sir, don't sit there, its Tippu sulthan's chair.
Sada man : don't worry, I will get up when he comes.....
Sada man joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken..
Sada man: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
*************************************************************************************************
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sada man: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
*******************************************************************************************************
Sada man: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sada man: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
*******************************************************************************
NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sada man: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sada man: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup....
**************************************************************
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sada man: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sada man: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
**************
*Sada man's Jokes
A Tamilian call up a Sada man and asks " tamil therima??"
Sada man got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
2 Sada man looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sada 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sada 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
A Sada man on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sada man : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ......
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Sada man at bar in New York .
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sada man says - "Baljith Singh Married"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
2 Sada men are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO....YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
A Sada man for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE.. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Prince Charles & Sada manji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sada man thinks "how poetic"
Sada man says, "pass the custard you b@$!@7)".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sada man : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SADA MEN'S..... ..
-------- -------- ----------- ---------- ------------ ------------ -------- ------------ ---------- --------
Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sada man : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??
how much is DRIVING salary...?
--------- ------------ ------------- ---------------- -------------- -------------- ------------
Sada man's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!
------------ ------------ ------------- -------------- ------------- ------------- ---------------
Sada man shouting 2 his girl friend ' u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....
Sada man got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
2 Sada man looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sada 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sada 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
A Sada man on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sada man : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ......
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Sada man at bar in New York .
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sada man says - "Baljith Singh Married"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
2 Sada men are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO....YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
A Sada man for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,
SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE.. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Prince Charles & Sada manji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sada man thinks "how poetic"
Sada man says, "pass the custard you b@$!@7)".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sada man : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SADA MEN'S..... ..
-------- -------- ----------- ---------- ------------ ------------ -------- ------------ ---------- --------
Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sada man : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??
how much is DRIVING salary...?
--------- ------------ ------------- ---------------- -------------- -------------- ------------
Sada man's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!
------------ ------------ ------------- -------------- ------------- ------------- ---------------
Sada man shouting 2 his girl friend ' u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sada man
: What is the name of your car?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sada man : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai :
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sada man : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai :
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher
to Sada man
: “Where were U born?”
Sada man : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher: Spell it?
Sada man : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA
Sada man : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher: Spell it?
Sada man : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA
Two Sada men looking at an Egyptian mummy.
Sada man 1: Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case!
Sada man 2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai :BC1760!!
Sada man 1: Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case!
Sada man 2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai :BC1760!!
Sada man to his friends : For the past one week a girl is disturbing me.
I don’t know how she got my number, She interrupts whenever I call someone and says,
“Please recharge your balance soon.”
One fine day, a girl proposed to a Sada man for marriage and Sada man denied simply saying that, “in our family, we marry only our
relatives.”
My mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi , my uncle married my aunt and so on.
So please excuse me!!!
Sada man enters kitchen, opens sugar box,looks inside & closed it. His wife asked him why do you do so?
Sada man :doctor advised me to test sugar.
Sada man ji to Peon : I asked you to buy 2 sheets of white paper, you bought only one? Peon: No problem sir, we can take a photocopy of this sheet.
2 Sada men In ATM
Sada 1:Ha..Ha..,I Saw Ur Password.
Sada 2:What Is It?
Sada 1:It Is 4 Stars(****)
Sada 2:Ha..Ha..U R Wrong,It Is 4017
Judge: why are u arrested?
Sada man : for shopping early?
Judge: well, that's not a crime, anyway how early were you shopping?
Sada man : before opening the shop
Waiter gives bill to Sada man
Sada man : Take my card
Waiter : But sir, this is Ration Card.
A Sada man & his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge asked : How will you divide, you have 3 children?
Sada man replied : Ok! We’ll apply next year.
One day evening a Sada manji starts from office to home with pushing his scooter manually. He met his friend on the way…
Friend : Why are you pushing your scooter manually?
Sada man ji : I forgot to bring the scooter key from my home.
Friend : Is it! then, how did you come to office from home in the morning?
Sada manji : I was pushing my scooter from home to office also in the morning.
Sada man in Mysoor palace. Tourist guide: sir, don't sit there, its Tippu sulthan's chair.
Sada man : don't worry, I will get up when he comes.....
SADAMANJI RETURNS
Boss: Where were you born?
Sada man: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sada man: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .
*************************************************************
Sada man: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Boss: Where were you born?
Sada man: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sada man: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .
*************************************************************
Sada man: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sada man: Oh, what
a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
Sada man joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and
asked what you did till evening.
Sada man: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
Sada man: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken..
Sada man: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
*************************************************************************************************
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sada man: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
*******************************************************************************************************
Sada man: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sada man: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
*******************************************************************************
NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sada man: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sada man: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup....
**************************************************************
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sada man: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sada man: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
**************
20-05-2014
1.Manager asked
Sada man at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sada man replied: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.
2.After returning back from a foreign trip, Sada man asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sada man: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
3.One tourist from U.. S.A. asked Sada man:
Any great man born in this village???
Sada man: no sir, only small Babies!!!
4.Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanti
So Sada man writes, "Gandhi ji was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanti
5.When the Sada man was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted the mirror. Sada man shouted,
"You are trying to see my wife? Sit behind. I will drive.
6. Interviewer: just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sada man: its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!
7.Sada man: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sada man: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
8.Sada man: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sada man: I told her that I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
9.Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sada man: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
10.Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sada man: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sada man: Bcoz it is Black & White
11.Sada man attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sada man: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
12.Sada man in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sada man: "Ok... Ombay. Ombay"
13.Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sada man: "All are born on government holidays...! !!
14. Sada man: Miss, Did u call my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sada man: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call". (Had never thought of it)
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sada man replied: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.
2.After returning back from a foreign trip, Sada man asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sada man: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
3.One tourist from U.. S.A. asked Sada man:
Any great man born in this village???
Sada man: no sir, only small Babies!!!
4.Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanti
So Sada man writes, "Gandhi ji was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanti
5.When the Sada man was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted the mirror. Sada man shouted,
"You are trying to see my wife? Sit behind. I will drive.
6. Interviewer: just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sada man: its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!
7.Sada man: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sada man: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
8.Sada man: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sada man: I told her that I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
9.Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sada man: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
10.Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sada man: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sada man: Bcoz it is Black & White
11.Sada man attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sada man: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
12.Sada man in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sada man: "Ok... Ombay. Ombay"
13.Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sada man: "All are born on government holidays...! !!
14. Sada man: Miss, Did u call my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sada man: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call". (Had never thought of it)
Congratulations . വളരെ നന്നായിരിക്കുന്നു. ആശംസകൾ. ഫലിതങ്ങൾ മലയാളത്തിൽ അയച്ചു തന്നാൽ സ്വീകരിക്കുമോ?
AntwortenLöschenവളരെ നന്ദി. തീർച്ചയായും സ്വീകരിക്കും.
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